Yesterday we found the elusive, missing blue napkins! After washing all 75 napkins the caterer returned (I know, this means we were 33 napkins short - not four or even five) I went on a napkin finding bender. It turns out the caterer called my husband, and told him they were short 33, and he said to just go ahead and use whatever they had, like the white napkins. He never called me because, of course, I was picking up my sister at the B&B and getting her to the hospital to arrange for my brother's discharge. I had left all the last minute minutiae to him, like the dog's swollen snout and such. Before I left, we had packed everything for the final hand-off to the wedding planner in the front hall - the programs, the twine, the orchids, the 3 tiered plates my hubby made, the boy and girl maple sugar candies, some embroidery hoop decorations I forgot to tell you about....and the napkins. I asked my husband a few times if he brought them up from the basement. He said "Yes Honey," and he did. It's just that I forgot that I had left a brown paper bag of napkins in the broom/vacuum closet. Yep, in my sleep-deprived-addled brain I just forgot about those. It's like when you're nursing your newborn, and you wake up and wonder if you left her on the changing table...that's what planning a wedding is like. Prepare to lose things!
The wedding pictures are coming, the wedding pictures are coming! Now first let me say, proudly, I am on Facebook. It took three prompts for me to join over a year ago: first, a newly divorced book club friend told me I should and sent me the invite; then my daughter the bride said I'd love it; and finally, my sister-in-law was already on Facebook. The beautiful woman from Holly Springs, Mississippi who bravely drove me to the ceremony - the wrong way - with her daughter and grandbaby. If she was on it, and I adore her, I too could play this solipsistic game! A very good friend from NJ said she's "...not allowed to creep on Facebook." It's not her kids who were opposed, it was the hubby. Now, even she is on The Facebook! The other day my MIL, who calls it "Facelift," said to me, "Where does your blog go?" And I realized, at some point technology will spin beyond me, but for now, I'd better keep trying to keep up! So wedding candids via friends on Facebook have been trickling in. The archivist of our Big Chill group even sent us a great CD of his photos! He memorialized Woodstock, and the reunion, and many of our Thanksgiving dinners.
And now our wonderful wedding photographer, Jack Looney (you can check out his blog here), has finished jpeging, uploading, choosing the black and white and printing and all the rest of the things photographers do to create a final product. He had a one week beach vacation right after the wedding so it's taken a bit longer, but I can't complain. I loved working with him, he is becoming a best buddy. He was the exact right match for the Couple. My daughter was instantly at ease and reassured by his very presence. His assistant is in a band, so I can't wait to see the shots of the Bourbon Family and my son with instruments. I'm waiting in the same way I waited for the envelope from the colleges my children had their hearts set on. He will mail the CD and some prints out to the newlyweds tomorrow and we'll meet him at the end of the week too, over coffee, then we can spend the weekend with the married couple phone-oogling over them together. Don't worry, I'll post the best right here too. On this Wedding Wilderness spot I can't seem to give up, just yet. Well, I knew you'd want to know what happened to the napkins.
And next week, it's Vegas Baby!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The things they kept from me
My esteemed 86 year old MIL has often said to me, "Always tell me, don't ever keep things from me." It is her way of holding off old age, and letting me know she needs to be kept in the loop. She is a marriage counselor by trade, still seeing clients. When I married her son, she took me aside and let me know that if anything goes wrong, she'll always be on my side. Nice. Of course, there have been little things we kept from her over the years, things that could wait until a crisis was resolved, so that she wouldn't worry needlessly. But isn't all worrying needless? Well, not if you're in the business of listening to neurotics all day long; in her case, worry equals a living. Anyway, I guess my MIL and her son, my dear husband, didn't want to worry me about a few things over wedding weekend.
Oh and Bob's best friend Al, a member of the Big Chill group, was keeping a secret from all of us. The day before the wedding, his mother died in an assisted living facility in FL. This 85 year old woman was a dear friend of my MIL, and like a surrogate mom to my husband from grammar school on into college. Al attended our wedding with his wife and two of his adult children and their dates, and never breathed a word of his loss until calling us on his way home. Now I look at some of the candids rolling in, and I can see the pain in his eyes. But he didn't want to "spoil" the Big Day. What a blessing he is. Amidst middle of the night ER visits, and a dog being bit by a copperhead (oh, it wasn't a bee bite, we found the dead snake in the garden), he thought we had drama enough and kept his secret. His mother was to be cremated, and the memorial service would be in a few weeks. The last time I saw his dear mother, last summer at a grandson's wedding, she pulled me aside, looked me straight in the eyes, and said "Honey, you're the best thing to happen to that family." And you knew she meant every word she said; I loved that lady.
When I called my MIL to tell her the news about her friend, it was very tough. She ended up in her cardiologist's office and came out with some changes in her meds. Then she told me that she'd been feeling bad for weeks.... She didn't want to worry me, otoh, she also didn't want to drop dead at the wedding! Ah life. I was once told that a classic anxiety situation is standing on stage to sing, but you also really have to pee. What do you do? This is not a dilemma in my book. I would just go pee. I guess I'm too pragmatic to get myself a prescription for anti-anxiety meds! Although, I have to admit I was thinking of asking my doc for some sleeping pills leading up to the Big Day; and in retrospect, maybe I should have.
Once, a long time ago, my husband wallpapered our kitchen. He waited a few days, and then showed me where he had hung the tiny pattern upside down in one spot. This falls under the heading of, "Things I wish he'd never told me." A few days after our daughter's wedding, he said to me, "Should I tell you about a small glitch?" And of course I looked at him like I was about to murder him, but how could I say "No?" He didn't know what happened, but we were four napkins short. I started going over the ER visit/rehearsal dinner day, hadn't I brought up all the blue napkins from the basement for a final hand-off with the rosemary and twine to the wedding planner after arranging for my brother's hospital discharge and my dog's pet sitter emergency vet back-up plan? How could 4, out of 130 napkins disappear? And we only had 108 guests, which equals only 104 blue napkins, which means we were missing 26 napkins!? He told me the caterer just used some white napkins they happened to have with them, nobody noticed. Don't you just love it when guys say things like that? Nobody noticed! I went over this in my mind for a few minutes, and then I just let it go. Just like that. It was over and done and I'm not here on this earth to impress anyone.
My daughter was in her bride/zen mode on the Big Day. She was the opposite of a bridezilla. After trying to battle a spider, she had her priorities straight. And she taught me a lesson that day - to stay in the moment. I'm trying to stay here, in the moment, now that the hoopla is done, and the chuppah is down. And a funny thing happened. A lovely woman who writes a MOB blog, asked if I'd like to guest write sometimes for her. And I said, "Yes." I'm not sure if I'll continue on here, but you may want to watch for me there, writing about all the small moments on this journey. http://notmymotherswedding.com/blog/
Thanks for reading!
Oh and Bob's best friend Al, a member of the Big Chill group, was keeping a secret from all of us. The day before the wedding, his mother died in an assisted living facility in FL. This 85 year old woman was a dear friend of my MIL, and like a surrogate mom to my husband from grammar school on into college. Al attended our wedding with his wife and two of his adult children and their dates, and never breathed a word of his loss until calling us on his way home. Now I look at some of the candids rolling in, and I can see the pain in his eyes. But he didn't want to "spoil" the Big Day. What a blessing he is. Amidst middle of the night ER visits, and a dog being bit by a copperhead (oh, it wasn't a bee bite, we found the dead snake in the garden), he thought we had drama enough and kept his secret. His mother was to be cremated, and the memorial service would be in a few weeks. The last time I saw his dear mother, last summer at a grandson's wedding, she pulled me aside, looked me straight in the eyes, and said "Honey, you're the best thing to happen to that family." And you knew she meant every word she said; I loved that lady.
When I called my MIL to tell her the news about her friend, it was very tough. She ended up in her cardiologist's office and came out with some changes in her meds. Then she told me that she'd been feeling bad for weeks.... She didn't want to worry me, otoh, she also didn't want to drop dead at the wedding! Ah life. I was once told that a classic anxiety situation is standing on stage to sing, but you also really have to pee. What do you do? This is not a dilemma in my book. I would just go pee. I guess I'm too pragmatic to get myself a prescription for anti-anxiety meds! Although, I have to admit I was thinking of asking my doc for some sleeping pills leading up to the Big Day; and in retrospect, maybe I should have.
Once, a long time ago, my husband wallpapered our kitchen. He waited a few days, and then showed me where he had hung the tiny pattern upside down in one spot. This falls under the heading of, "Things I wish he'd never told me." A few days after our daughter's wedding, he said to me, "Should I tell you about a small glitch?" And of course I looked at him like I was about to murder him, but how could I say "No?" He didn't know what happened, but we were four napkins short. I started going over the ER visit/rehearsal dinner day, hadn't I brought up all the blue napkins from the basement for a final hand-off with the rosemary and twine to the wedding planner after arranging for my brother's hospital discharge and my dog's pet sitter emergency vet back-up plan? How could 4, out of 130 napkins disappear? And we only had 108 guests, which equals only 104 blue napkins, which means we were missing 26 napkins!? He told me the caterer just used some white napkins they happened to have with them, nobody noticed. Don't you just love it when guys say things like that? Nobody noticed! I went over this in my mind for a few minutes, and then I just let it go. Just like that. It was over and done and I'm not here on this earth to impress anyone.
My daughter was in her bride/zen mode on the Big Day. She was the opposite of a bridezilla. After trying to battle a spider, she had her priorities straight. And she taught me a lesson that day - to stay in the moment. I'm trying to stay here, in the moment, now that the hoopla is done, and the chuppah is down. And a funny thing happened. A lovely woman who writes a MOB blog, asked if I'd like to guest write sometimes for her. And I said, "Yes." I'm not sure if I'll continue on here, but you may want to watch for me there, writing about all the small moments on this journey. http://notmymotherswedding.com/blog/
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I'll know when...
It's over. The whole wedding weekend was a great success. The bride and groom couldn't have been happier. I found I learned something, and maybe this will help any future MOBs out there. Remember to stay focused on your daughter; it's her day and she is under even more stress than you are. My girl had this supposedly easy rotation starting in September, toxicology. No call, nine to five, just doing consults....but two days before she left for the wedding, she was running a code on a three year old who was bit by a brown recluse spider. In emergency medicine, losing a child takes its toll on the whole hospital staff. This was her first loss.
The next night, I'm having barbecue at my house for the early arrivals. My older brother promptly walks in, and asks to lay down in the guest room. From there, we made our way to the ER until 3 am and then he was admitted to rule out a stroke (it wasn't). Ever the funny and likable psychologist, when the nurse asked him, "When was the last time you felt normal?" he turned to me and gave me the look! I had to explain, there is a large spectrum of normal when you're a psychologist. Thank God for my step-brother from ST Louis and my NYC sister. They tended to him once he was discharged from the hospital, only suffering from vertigo but unable to walk. A NY cousin kept saying, "Better it couldn't be," and then repeated a little too much to the new in-laws "How impressed we are with your family...." No one tripped in the field and sprained an ankle. The wine kept coming and the food was divine, particularly the crab cake appetizers and of course the shrimp and grits. Oh and best of all, the hurricane brought cooler temperatures, with sun, a slight breeze and a high of 79! Perfection.
Did our minister/Grandfather Hudson have everyone in the palm of his hand, telling personal stories that included not being able to find a VCR to play the old film our daughter made when she was little? Yes, our wedding planner wants to hire him! Did our daughter actually whisper her future husband's name right before walking down the path past the big wooden apple and tell him she may need to sit down once they get up there? Yes, and he said, "Don't worry baby, I'll know when you're going to faint. Your eyes will roll back in your head and you'll hit the floor." Cracked us up so much, we had to stifle laughter instead of tears on the promenade. And did I hitch a ride to the wedding with my sister-in-law and her daughter and new grandbaby, getting lost and arriving a little late? Yes, but we got there before the bride and the officiant!
So when people started trying to give me presents before the ceremony, I said, "Find the wedding planner." When they asked for directions, I said, "They are on the itinerary in the gift bag in your room." I let my cousin take charge of the hospitality suite (and she did a great job btw) and I found I could rely on my siblings to pick up and take care of my sick brother so that I could attend the wonderful rehearsal dinner complete with a powerpoint trip down memory lane, and the spa/pool lunch with the bride the day before the wedding. I had a big chill friend's son pick up the Whole Foods brunch on Monday. Oh yeah, and I left the management of my old dog's swollen snout (bee bite?) to our faithful pet sitter. Fog happens.
The day before the wedding my husband handed me a blue bird feather he found on the lawn. Feathers mean hope to me, and he said everything would be alright. When I opened the curtain in the hotel, I saw two hot air balloons coming over the trees. My daughter has lift off. The couple may not know where they're going next, after the chief year, but they have an abiding love for each other.
The next night, I'm having barbecue at my house for the early arrivals. My older brother promptly walks in, and asks to lay down in the guest room. From there, we made our way to the ER until 3 am and then he was admitted to rule out a stroke (it wasn't). Ever the funny and likable psychologist, when the nurse asked him, "When was the last time you felt normal?" he turned to me and gave me the look! I had to explain, there is a large spectrum of normal when you're a psychologist. Thank God for my step-brother from ST Louis and my NYC sister. They tended to him once he was discharged from the hospital, only suffering from vertigo but unable to walk. A NY cousin kept saying, "Better it couldn't be," and then repeated a little too much to the new in-laws "How impressed we are with your family...." No one tripped in the field and sprained an ankle. The wine kept coming and the food was divine, particularly the crab cake appetizers and of course the shrimp and grits. Oh and best of all, the hurricane brought cooler temperatures, with sun, a slight breeze and a high of 79! Perfection.
Did our minister/Grandfather Hudson have everyone in the palm of his hand, telling personal stories that included not being able to find a VCR to play the old film our daughter made when she was little? Yes, our wedding planner wants to hire him! Did our daughter actually whisper her future husband's name right before walking down the path past the big wooden apple and tell him she may need to sit down once they get up there? Yes, and he said, "Don't worry baby, I'll know when you're going to faint. Your eyes will roll back in your head and you'll hit the floor." Cracked us up so much, we had to stifle laughter instead of tears on the promenade. And did I hitch a ride to the wedding with my sister-in-law and her daughter and new grandbaby, getting lost and arriving a little late? Yes, but we got there before the bride and the officiant!
So when people started trying to give me presents before the ceremony, I said, "Find the wedding planner." When they asked for directions, I said, "They are on the itinerary in the gift bag in your room." I let my cousin take charge of the hospitality suite (and she did a great job btw) and I found I could rely on my siblings to pick up and take care of my sick brother so that I could attend the wonderful rehearsal dinner complete with a powerpoint trip down memory lane, and the spa/pool lunch with the bride the day before the wedding. I had a big chill friend's son pick up the Whole Foods brunch on Monday. Oh yeah, and I left the management of my old dog's swollen snout (bee bite?) to our faithful pet sitter. Fog happens.
The day before the wedding my husband handed me a blue bird feather he found on the lawn. Feathers mean hope to me, and he said everything would be alright. When I opened the curtain in the hotel, I saw two hot air balloons coming over the trees. My daughter has lift off. The couple may not know where they're going next, after the chief year, but they have an abiding love for each other.
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