Mother-of-the-Bride in 5, Four months

After years of thinking, "...if I were younger I'd be blogging," I thought instead, "WTHeck!" We are bombarded with books and advice on how to be a parent from the moment that little stick turns color in the bathroom. Let's face it, you are never really prepared for the abundance of love that fills your heart when you first set eyes on that baby; and all the tantrums and loss of sleep fade away as they grow into tax-paying adults who are not living in your basement. But what do we know about that next big step, the one hopefully after college graduation and some period of time, maybe living alone and following their bliss? You know the step, the big "Mom I'm engaged!" phone call.

We know nothing...NOTHING!! Well at least I know nothing, and I'm kinda proud that I can accept this fact. Because right away, it allows me to ask for help! A stranger I met through a friend the other day said, "Don't worry honey, good food and a great band, no one will remember anything else." Sigh of relief. Yes I thought, so that's the secret; next time I'm awake at 3am this will be my mantra, "food and band, food and band." This woman had married two daughters off in one year. Granted they were both destination weddings, which let's face it folks, makes it much easier. Why? Because everyone who can afford to travel to this idyllic getaway is immediately self-selecting - you will have smaller and rowdier numbers and yes, there will be someone there to arrange everything! Of course, if the bride's parents are paying for much of the weekend, a destination wedding can get pricey. But let's get real. Anything that has the word "wedding" tacked onto it - add another 10-50% Flowers for a party, sure...oh, it's a wedding party??

But I digress and must really start at the beginning, which was right after Thanksgiving 2009, when we got that phone call. My daughter had wanted him to "...put a ring on it" ala Beyonce for quite some time. I kept telling her she didn't have to marry these days to have children, but in my zeal to raise a smart, feminist girl I've discovered she's a bit of a traditionalist. She is my warrior princess, my shana maidela, my everything! She has followed her daddy's career path, Emergency Medicine, and has known this fine young fiancee of hers for six years. They met in medical school and are both very, very busy residents at a hospital right now three states away. So right after telling me all about the ring, which is stunning with a capital "S," my lovely daughter began listing all the things she doesn't want in her wedding: "No MC, no cake, no bridesmaids, no no no..." And so the negotiating begins.