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The bridal shower went very well, except for the lack of AC in the little French bistro. Ages 85 to 25 were glowing beautifully all afternoon in a heat index of 107 degrees. The bride managed to finesse a small fan at her back, and surprisingly said she liked the game! She got to give out a prize to the person with the right answer. A beautifully pink, five week old cherub, baby Emma, was dutifully passed around the tables. And as I watched three toddlers glued to a miniature TV screen in a corner, I thought about the coloring books and crayons I would tote around for my children, to keep them "busy" when dining out. This would not be the first time I'd felt grateful not to have cell phones and techno savvy toys when I was a young mother. One friend's daughter was recently bullied via text message from her classmate on another bus. I'd rather be face to face with my bully, and my children, any day!

The 565 mile trip to Nashville left my neck sore (from head banging to country music to keep myself awake) and my body ragged (from too much sodium infused restaurant fare and no exercise). Before leaving I had arranged for mini-buses to carry guests from the hotel to and from the orchard on the wedding day. This was an important feature of dinner on the mountain; we didn't want anyone driving down the mountain under the influence. I also received an estimate for the decor and flowers. I didn't want to show this estimate to the Father-of-the-Bride yet, because I wanted him to remain sane and competent while I was away at the shower. Now as anyone knows, the style of a wedding is set by the decor: down home country equals hay bales and tractors in the backyard, cowgirl boots; black-tie equals a ritzy hotel ballroom, Christian Laboutin heels etc. In between is a wide spectrum of wedding styles. We were starting out in a public place, an apple orchard, so we really have the freedom to make it into anything we want, although we are in an orchard, and we are very rustic elegant.

I started researching wedding budgets. Now I know this is a little late, since money is really an object as opposed to being "no object." Our daughter hates over the top, ostentatious weddings. She really abhors these spectacles that are more about the parents screaming opulence and going into debt just to prove that they can. The bride is already in debt. She would not allow us to pay for her medical school education and she thinks she can keep us from shelling out thousands of dollars on "One Day" by keeping track of the budget. "Along with their parents," is how the invitation is worded. The bride and groom are paying for the photographer, the honeymoon, and the invitations. The groom's parents are graciously doing a rehearsal dinner for a cast of a hundred at least. And we, the parents of the bride, will be responsible for the rest. This will include lots of extraneous things around the weekend, but mostly it will include "The Party," also known as the reception.

I went immediately to http://costofwedding.com/where I was happy to learn that if we wanted to hold this event in her hometown of Rumson, NJ, it would cost at least $20,000 more than the average cost here in the Shenandoah Valley. I put in our current zip code and out popped our range in this sleepy Southern town, between $18,584 and $30,973. Sorry for the bold face, but that's the way I copied it right off the site. And according to my oracle of all things wedding, Martha Stewart, the reception should take up to 40-50% of the budget. That means we could budget anywhere from $6,000 to $15,000 for The Party! Really?? I remember one all inclusive caterer telling me it would cost about $100 to $150 per guest, and I must admit I almost choked; at 125 guests, she was in the ball park. I was left standing out in left field. Lately I've been asking people, "Do you know how much it costs to rent a tent?" My daughter thinks we should scatter apples on the tables and call that a decoration. I'm thinking she might be right.

But lucky me, I've found a wonderful designer, a florist and event planner who is very sympatico and understands our family dynamic. She grows organic flowers on her farm and has gorgeous farm tables for the tent. Our gallery/dessert space will be transformed by her lovely banquettes and torches. Shawn Cossette, of Beehive Events /www.beehiveevents.com/ has a beautiful eye and can be my "day of" wedding planner to coordinate everything on the Big Day. Now I can exhale. Anyway, the mini-buses are in and the limo is out.