It's Official

The couple updated their status on Facebook; they are now officially "Engaged" and not just "In a Relationship." This was one of the things they did on a rare day off together over the July Fourth weekend. They managed to move everything back into their newly re-built basement, and they also took their two dogs, and another dog they are pet-sitting, to a river to swim. Then they came home and made turkey barbecue for a gang of resident friends. That's after working the first three days of the weekend. That's what they did on their one day off together. It's exhausting being them.

We cleaned the house and cooked for an army which turned out to be only nine people for dinner on the Fourth. My husband manned the grill and of course for our cook-out we ate inside, since we are seeing triple digit temperatures now. Just after sunup that morning we hiked up the hill to Monticello to hear Tracy Ullman speak at the Naturalization Ceremony. She was engaging, funny and sentimental. She came from a small industrial town in the UK and thought we Americans had so much - so many cars, washing machines, food. But what she really loved was how much "confidence" we have. Her father was sick of paying for the Queen, and he knew that unlike any other European country, he had a real chance to better himself in America. We Americans could do or say anything we thought; whereas if your grandfather was a shoemaker in the UK, that was what was expected of you. And we, of course, have her to thank for the Simpsons! That got a big roar out of the crowd.

Our newest 71 citizens came from so many countries, including Afghanistan, Canada, Uzbekistan, China and Ghana. Most came from India. I thought about how my Grandmother was not allowed to vote even after women got the vote, because she was married to an alien (an Irishman). Times have changed. And as I thought about my own Mother, who would be 101 today if she still lived. A woman who would not willingly release her baby for adoption, but allowed her best friends to raise her. A woman who was a flapper and loved to dance; she insisted on paying for my ballet lessons. A woman who never gave up and fought with such strength to walk again after the car accident broke her legs beyond recognition. She was my first teacher in determination. It was my Mother who would point out the humor in life, always seeing the good side.

Chris Matthews said at The Miller Center last year that, "...only in America could a guy named Archibald Leach, who worked as a stilt walker on Coney Island for five dollars a day, ten on weekends, move to California and become Cary Grant." Patriotism is a noble thing, but it can be tricky. How much of our freedom are we willing to lose in order to maintain our security? It is unfortunate that the Supreme Court has become so political, because like marriage, a democracy needs balance. Obama has said that he'd like to have a country that unites people, that doesn't divide them. And that is my wish for the soon-to-be married Couple.

You don't need to have a lot in common to get married today; you don't need your parents blessing or a dowry of eight goats. In fact, in this state all you need is a driver's license! I think you need some maturity, and the capacity for happiness (thank you Mr Jefferson) and the willingness to unite as a family within a community. I've seen the groom so delighted and happy at my daughter's success, either in yet another mind-boggling residency test or tricky hospital situation, that she falls into his arms, smiling and grateful. He does not judge her, nor does he compete with her. He is a tall man with a delightful wit, supremely supportive and confident in his own strengths. I'm starting to think about what I will say at the Toast, because nowadays moms get to toast the Couple at their wedding too. Yes, confidence! It's a marriage builder.